Love movies? A Movie buff? Then this one’s for you 🙂
Films (read Bollywood films) are based out from the society around, our daily lives, varied experiences with different influences. You recently saw a perfectly etched character in a film? You could relate to the last movie you watched? Yes, that answers the question.Whether it’s a science fiction or any imaginary character for that matter, there are some real life influences, a character with some bit of the writer himself. How about the other way around? How about the influences, movies have on our lives. Some influence, if you ask me. So let’s try to explore this and start our Filmi Chakkar, with some dialogue baazi, naach gaana and some acting vecting 🙂
You are having tea in the nearby tapri (tea stall) outside your office and you say to your friend Do dost ek pyale mein chai piyenge. Is se dosti badti hai..
Your mom sounds filmi when she says when you return home after long haul Beta tu aa gaya? Maine tere liye apne haathon se kheer banaya hai..
You believe Cleanliness is next to Godliness. You keep your surroundings clean, meaning you keep your house clean and throw all the waste accumulated from your house into your neighbors place. In one such secret expedition, you get caught red handed when your neighbor angrily says- Mere Angne mein tumhara kya kaam hai ?? 😛
You leave your all important work in your office to attend your friend’s friend uninvited birthday bash and say Hum cake khane ke liye kahin bhi jaa saktey hai..
You are hungry and have ordered your favorite pizza after a long time. Pizza delivery boy looks at the address and reaches you in 30 mins. You live in 21st floor and lift doesn’t seem to work. Delivery boy is like [in Anu Malik’s voice]: Unchi Hai Building..Lift Teri Band Hai..Kaise Main Aau..Dil Rajamand Hai… You are too hungry to listen to any excuses and blurt out: Aaja Aaja Aaja Meri Pizza Leke Aaja ; Meri Bhook Mitaane Ab To Steps leke aaja..
You work in a software company and after working for 2 years as a fresher, there seems to be no news of any pay hike. You’re like-Mere Khwaabon Mein Jo Aaye; Aake Mujhe Chhed Jaaye, Use Kahon Kabhi Saamne To Aaye..
You are married now and bring lunch box to your office these days. Today, your wife has cooked your favorite bhendi ki sabzi. Though lunch timings is at 1 pm, you get hungry by 12 pm and slowly try to get out of your desk without other’s notice. You successfully get out attracting few glances to the dining area and once you open your dabba to have a first bite, your junior colleague comes out of nowhere and wishes you Good morning Sir..
You introduce your fiance to your family & her parents and blurt out of nervousness-This is my mom and my dad. This is your dad and your mom..
Boy loves girl and he is sitting beside her.He reluctantly touches her hand and she hits back funnily saying -Yeh kya hai? Permission leni chahiye. Hum haath rakhne se mana nahin kar rahe hain, lekin permission leni chahiya na? Kisike ghar mey gusne ke pehle, permission lete hein ki nahi?
You are on the verge of studying hard for your engineering exam (meaning you have a paper next day) by checking the syllabus copy and you find your agyakari room mate is revising the topics and you cry out of anger saying- Gyan baatna chahiye re … tu kya apne paas rakhke sadaa-rela hai..
You are married and are getting ready to go out with your wife. You are ready in a flash as always and you find yourselves waiting for your wife who is getting ready. You sing a song to pass time Duniya chi pyari tu Aaga naari harnigaa Aaga raani sundaraa..Aali ho aali aali ho aali Aali ali.. when she finally gives you darshan after an hour or so..
Your friend comes first in the class and you say Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai. Lekin dost first aa jaye toh jyada dukh hota hai..
You are called day in day out to buy a new credit card from a bank. You seem to be interested and postpone the call many times owing to some work and one fine day,relent to their pleading to buy one. Once you ready your documents and sign the form as per their instructions, you hear a song Golmaal Hai Bhai Sab Golmaal Hai 😛
You are hunting for a 3 bhk flat as you have recently shifted to Bengaluru, a IT hub. After much struggle, and seeing many flats, you finally select a flat much to your liking. You have to negotiate the price with your owner and you go to his house which is just besides your own flat. Your owner is bulky, unshaven and if at all he blackens some of his teeth, he will look like Gabbar from Sholay. He lazily is sitting on the couch and once he quotes his price, he asks you a question Kitne aadmi Hai??
You are in gyan giving mode and cry out to your friend- Baabu Mushoy!! Zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nahin..
Your parents are looking for a bride for your marriage and you seem to be least interested. You try to convince your parents to give you more time but in vain. Then finally you argue saying Shaadi ke basic concept mein hi jhol hai.
You are a teacher and get your life’s lessons in the most harsh way and thus learn to live your life in the present by saying it to your students-Aaj…Aaj ek hasi aur baant lo. Aaj ek dua aur maang lo. Aaj ek ansoon aur pee lo Aaj ek zindagi aur jee lo. Aaj ek sapna aur dekh lo. Aaj … Kya pata, Kal ho naa ho..
Your girlfriend sounds filmi when she says Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban ne waali hoon! and you get a panic attack.
You live your life the way you like to live and sound filmi when you say –Jo Main Bolta Hoon, Woh Main Karta Hoon, Jo Main Nahi Bolta, Woh Main Definitely Karta Hoon!!
One always have a namuna among your friends and you feel like saying Tumhe uthakar museum mein rakhna chahiye, ticket lagni chahiye tumhe dekhne ke liye..
You being a woman want to be a fashion designer and initially your parents don’t approve of your career choice. Then when time is ripe, you discuss it with your father, your best friend with all your passion for your career choice. Then next moment, your father sounds filmi when he says- Simran, Jee le apni zindagi 😛
You seem to be lost in a lesser known town with your wife,when you alighted from the train for tea. You missed the train by a whisker. You find out that next train is only on the following morning. You are very tired and since the whole platform is occupied, you try to find out a cheap hotel for some sleep. Then when u finally find one and deal with the receptionist by saying Bhai sahab, hum room ghante ke hisab se lenge. You find yourself in a awkward situation after the hotelier thinks otherwise. 😛
You sound filmi when in spite of knowing your friends’s name, you ask Tumhara naam kya hai Basanti??
You are Ranchoddaas Shamaldaas Chanchad urf Phunsukh Wangdu. You are like Behati Hawa, Udati Patang, Jo Khud Apani Raah Banaata hai,Girata Sambhalata Masti Mein Chalata Hai,Jo Bas Aaj Ka Jashn Manaata Hai and Har Lamahe Ko Khulake Jita Hai. Be like Rancho 🙂 And when in despair- Honthon ko karke gol, Seeti Baja ke Bol, Aal izz well 🙂
You have to adjust to the power cuts these days quite often and on Wednesdays, it is from 9 am to 5 pm. So your’e fed up as you cannot perform various work without electricity. So when at 5 pm the power does come, you say Bijliiiiiiiiiiiii like that granny from a village called Charanpur shown in Swades who sees the bulb lit up in her hut for the first time in her life.
You are in first year of your college. Now, you have the right to bunk your classes and you enjoy doing the same in the name of movies, hangouts, chit chat or doing nothing. But you find one class interesting and don’t wanna miss. Even though the subject hardly interests you, the teacher does. You imagine your good looking madam as Sushmita Sen of Main Hoo Na fame and you are like- Tumhein Jo Maine Dekha, Tumhein Jo Maine Jaana,Jo Hosh Tha, Wo To Gaya,Badan Ki Khushboo, Jagaae Lagi Jaadu,To Hoke Beqabu, Dil Kho Gaya..
You have to acquire your Aadhar card and have to give your personal details to Govt official. You’re like Vijay Dinanath Chauhan; Poora Naam, Baap Ka Naam Dinanth Chauhan, Maa Ka Naam Suhasini Chauhan, Gaon Mandwa, Umar Chhattis Saal 😛
Tonight petrol prices are increasing by Rs.2. As you get a wind of it, you head to nearest petrol station and as luck would have it, petrol pump seems to be empty. Just when your done, people throng around you for filling their tank too once the news spreads. You think yourselves-Jahan Hum Khade Ho Jaate Hain, Line Wahi Se Shuru Hoti Hai..
You are alcoholic, you drink to breathe and thus cannot live without it. You are Devdas and sound filmi when you say-Babuji ne kaha Gaon chod do. Sab ne kaha Paro ko chod do. Paro ne kaha Sharab chod do.Aaj tumne keh diya haweli chod do.Ek din aayega jab woh kahenge, Duniya hi chod do..
You are frustrated and helpless and venture into alcohol and blurt out the harsh truth-Mera haal na Gupta uncle ke jaise ho gaya hai, Gupta uncle ko na cancer ho gaya hai. unho ne kabhi sharab nai pi, cigarette nai pi, phir bhi cancer ho gaya. Isse accha toh pi lete..
Your dad sounds filmi when he says, Rishte mein toh hum tumhare baap lagte hai naam hai Papa..
You are Mogambo. Whenever Mogambo sees something nice or if he likes any good quality of yours, he appreciates it right away by saying Mogambo Khush huwa. Instead of being jealous, appreciate small things in life. Be like Mogambo. 🙂
You are of marriageable age now and so are your friends. You know that your friend’s parents are looking out a girl for him. From your khoofia network, you get some gossip circulating around and ridicule your friend saying- Tu arranged marriage ke liye gaya aur reject hoke aa gaya..
You are gorging into specially made Gulab jamoon which is just been prepared by your mom and kept in front of you. You are like : Maa kasam, mein ek ek ko chun chun ke khaa lunga 😛
You are Radhe. Radhe sticks to whatever he commits no matter what- Ek bar joh maine Commitment kar di. Uske baad toh main khud ki bhi nahi sunta. Be like Radhe. 😛
A drunkard looking at his desi daaru and sings : Tumhi din chadhe, Tumhi din dhale
Tumhi ho bandhu, sakha tumhi..
Your girlfriend is pissed off with you. She is not happy with you hanging out with your best friend. She has told you to choose between her and your best friend. Now you’re pissed off with her. Your best friend knows all about it and he says-Are usne teri khuddari ko lalkara hai yaar, kya kar raha hai, mard ban, be a man!”
Talk of love at first sight. Jab woh ladki saamne aa jaathi hai toh Tumhe lagta hai ki Hawaye chalne lagi hai…..Slow motion mein dupatta udne laga hai….Ya aasman mein Chaand kuch zyada bada hua hai..
Filmein sirf teen cheezo ke wajah se chalti hai – Entertainment, Entertainment, Entertainment.
Hope it was entertaining. Did you encounter any such filmi stories? If yes, Do share it in comments below.
Until next time we meet – Be good, Do good and Keep smiling 🙂
“Baar baar aati hai mujhko madhur yaad bachpan teri…gaya le gaya tu jeevan ki sabse mast khushi meri”
Those were the days.Those were the days of 90s when we were of school going age. School was fun and very eventful. Cream shirt, maroon shorts/skirt, maroon striped tie, a colorful school bag, a tiffin box with our favorite dish and a funky water bottle was the way we carried ourselves. Except Wednesdays when it was color dress, meaning, u can wear any dress of your choice and on Saturdays it was all white attire with white canvas shoes. If at all you missed wearing tie, belt, shoes you were liable for hafta to be given to special students called as cabinet leaders. A good day earning would fetch them many ice candies and chocolates. 😛 These cabinet leaders reported to the School Prime Leader(SPL).On Saturdays, there would be couple of exercises along…
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We were a bunch of friends studying in school in the same class. School was fun and life was much simpler then. Major hurdle would be completing homework which we would anyways handle as we were motivated enough to get our hands dirty on the playground after finishing off our homework asap. We loved Cricket and given an opportunity(Saturday second half and whole of Sunday apart from evenings on weekdays) we were seen only on playground playing cricket whether it’s scorching heat, pouring rain or shivering cold. We only knew we had to win matches somehow (albeit cheating in some instances 😉 ) and thus win bets for extra chocolates and ice candies. Rest didn’t matter for us.
Gully cricket was common pastime in my society as it was in many localities during early 90s. And we had teams from one locality playing against team from other locality quite often in tournaments. Ours was a good team and out of around 10 teams we even were champions once during one such tournaments. Gone are those days were we used to sweat it out in the sun, get drenched in the rain and never get tired enjoying the game to the fullest unlike today were we are busy playing only virtual games on mobiles and elsewhere.
Now life is complicated with less time and more work/worries/pressure/expectations etc etc. Almost everyone we meet looks dissatisfied and no one seems to be happy/contented. In order to relive those golden memories,we friends decided to meet up at a common place. Some of our friends were settled outside India, barring those others who made this great dream cricket team along with some of the other friends decided to meet at a friend’s flat in Bangalore. Some of the friends joined from Mumbai and Chennai, I was based in Pune and most of them were settled in Bangalore. It was a long weekend for most of us and we decided to complete our pending work well in advance to make us available for this weekend meet. We were glad that everyone could make it.
After a tiring overnight journey,upon reaching Bangalore,I called up my friend where everyone was supposed to meet up for brunch. I did knew his exact home address but for the fact that it was at a exotic location some 5 kms diversion from Bannerghatta Main Road, couldn’t locate his flat. Upon calling him,I was told to wait at a landmark so that he could pick me up to his flat. As I was waiting,I saw a car coming towards me,4 of them with their faces covered seated on the car. As it stopped in front of me, everyone (except the driver), came towards me and caught hold of me forcibly and pushed me inside the car. I couldn’t believe what panned out as it happened suddenly. Was I kidnapped?? Holy shit!! Yes, I was kidnapped in an isolated place.The road was clear and no one seemed to be passing by to get any outside help.My mouth was covered now after being threatened and told to hand over my RayBan,iPod, smartphone and wallet. However their voice sounded familiar and while handing out my wallet, I forcibly removed cloth covering the face of one of the guys. As I had guessed right he turned out to be our batting opener who used to get out first almost every time. On the other side was our fast bowler Shoaib who looked fearsome with his pace and look. The one driving the car was our captain, a middle order batsman who used to capitalize the start given by top order batsman and take us to the driver’s seat quite often. Beside the driver was our mystery spinner Phirki (mastermind behind this act)who used to spin the ball both ways and even deceived me this time with his googly by drawing me in front and getting me out plumb to make us laugh about it later.
As we reached our friend’s place still laughing about this incident, we were greeted by rest of our team-all rounder Golu(everything was round about him) who would also be our gol keeper oops wicket keeper, Little Master(another opener Sachin look alike), twins Waughle brothers and power hitter ShaktiMaan.So it was about time to party. The host aka Phirki had prepared Chicken Biryani along with some veg delicacies for vegans. No one cared about IPL which was coming on TV but went on to share their cricketing memories during school days. Stories started with imitating strange batting stances of our friends,the level of cheating we managed during a game to get an extra ice cream, how we innovated new ways to loose a match which should have been won quite easily, how we managed to run after breaking noisy neighbor’s glass window,argue for hours about a potential run out without replays, complain about stomach pain or anything of that sort just after getting out to avoid fielding under a violent sun etc etc. Topic gradually changed to school in general with stories related to first crush and subsequent crushes 😛 (We were stunned after hearing some confessions. I think I need to write separately sometime later on this topic 😉 ),how we tricked our teacher to get more marks, about the person we hated the most in school,how we managed to write the exam after getting panic attack when the paper which was leaked didn’t show up during the exam, tricks we perfected to copy during exams,unique characters with some strange and peculiar habits in school,imitating our teachers and some of our fellow friends, misadventures during tuition classes, big fights among our friends for silly reasons,school picnic stories etc etc. Now stories slowly changed to current scenario like how f**ked up our boss was if not our job,how some of them maintained their girlfriends so successfully and it ended when marriage topic cropped up. We argued whether marriage was start of a new beginning or beginning of a new end, how life changes with marriage blah blah blah. Some of our players were clean bowled(read married) and others including me were proud to be not out.
The next time I checked my watch, it was 8pm and it was time to leave. Never realized how time flies during good times and we had helluva good time.
Until next time,be good,do good and keep smiling 🙂
If you missed the first part of this story, then Please Click here: Mohabbatein
She was a ‘special’ friend for me and I think I was special too but we became just friends for rest of the world.
In pantry, my colleagues used to join me for coffee. But in order not to give undue attention to others who would also be present in pantry, we used to go for coffee in nearby CCD outside office premises. And as always coffee break this time with my special friend, was never less than a hour and we drank coffee 4 times a day (2 coffee breaks pre lunch and other 2 post lunch. Around 4 hrs. out of 9 hrs. customary office timings 😛 ). So as you guessed, my manager was pareshan as I could not be seen in my desk whenever he used to look out for me. And I was very innovative in giving out reasons which seemed genuine to any person’s imagination 😉 My colleagues doubted something serious is brewing between us(Actually coffee was brewing between us 😉 and you know a lot can happen over a coffee(pun intended)) We didn’t think what others were thinking about us and were busy in our ‘own’ world loving each other’s company.Now that we spent most of our time in office hours with each other we felt that we missed each other during weekends. So we enjoyed going out for shopping,films,any interesting weekend getaways and last but not the least-shopping (everything starts and ends with shopping 😛 I know only guys will love this pun).
There was a vacancy for a software developer in my current project. And my friend was getting released from her project. I sensed an opportunity here and since her qualifications and experience fitted our project requirements perfectly, I recommended her name to my manager. There was vacancy for only one place (coincidentally beside my desk) and I wanted her to take ‘that’ place. But totally 5 profiles were recommended for this lone vacancy. So I had to do something to get my friend to fill that place. But I decided to not influence my manager in any way to get her the project. So I trained her for around 10 days so that she could give a strong statement during the interview. And she succeeded with flying colors bagging the project and ‘that’ place.
And then we were together throughout during our office hours as we were in the same project 😉 No one could question us not even the manager as we worked together and never missed any deadlines not compromising on our chat quotient. Our chat messenger was as filled as it used to be as directly chatting continuously in a cubicle with full view of everyone was not an option. Chat window was full of mutual interests, some gossip, upcoming weekend plans, weird topics like dress sense of people around and all such bakwaas. It also contained some of work related discussions, doubts, queries, solutions et cetera et cetera. In short, work became fun and I loved coming to office for a change.
Meanwhile her parents were looking for a suitable groom which I was unaware initially, but came to know when she told she had to leave next weekend to her hometown to meet her fiancé.Something was wrong, it didn’t seemed right. Even my friend was reluctant to see her fiancé even though he looked like a Bollywood hero on photo. He was well settled, came from a highly respected family and had excellent qualifications. As she received strict orders from her parents this time,she could not postpone this meet as she has always been doing in the past to delay her marriage. She was reluctant and we discussed this extensively at length just a day before her travel to hometown. After the discussion I concluded that she was unhappy with this alliance and I was more than unhappy to see her get married to someone else. But even though we didn’t show this emotion to each other, we knew we loved each other. When I knew this is the right time, I proposed her. She was surprised and happy like never before. She happily accepted my offer. But it was bit late as she had flight to her hometown the next morning. She thought of cancelling the flight but I suggested her to take the flight and talk to her parents about me before she could meet her to be fiancé. All this while I was saying to myself- Aal Izz Well, Aal Izz well and even told her to follow this trick to feel good in adversity. She managed to convince her parents and upon enquiring extensively about my details, they agreed that she might have chosen a good guy who understood her very well and would look after their daughter like no one else would do. So they decided to break this alliance by cancelling their visit to groom’s place by somehow convincing his parents.
So now that she was happy and her parents were happy to make me their son-in-law, I had to break this news to my parents and they readily accepted when I told all I had to say about my love. So everything worked like a charm without any eventualities and we decided to marry.
All Izz Well that ends Well 🙂
Preface: This short story is a work of fiction. Hope you will enjoy it 🙂
Ek Ladki Thi Pretty Si
Shayad Woh Mujh Par Marti Thi
Chori Chori Chupke Chupke Smile Kiya Karti Thi
Kuch Khehna Tha Shayad Usko
Jaane Kisse Darti Thi
Jab Bhi Milti Thi Mujhse
Bas Blush Karthi Thi…
I am a IT engineer working in a software firm.Job was fun initially but is boring now. Whenever I get up daily, refreshing morning activities turn depressing when it’s time for office. And having a manager who is active in office politics since 15 years doesn’t help either making situation worse.Tat calls for frequent coffee breaks with colleagues and pantry works best than the cubicle. So we talk and talk about our interests, life in general and what if we were not an engineer. And hence a break is never less than an hour 😛 It was one such coffee breaks that I saw HER for the first time, was spellbound to say the least. My friend had to shake me up to make me come back to terms. She also gave me a smile and I could see a spark in her eyes wen she saw me for the first time. From that day the quest to know her name and other details started. What I knew was that she worked in the same floor besides my ODC and we shared pantry apart from sharing glances each day we met subsequently. From that day,our coffee breaks with my colleagues started at a fixed time so that it clashed with her coffee break. We stepped out from our cubicle at times when there was high probability of her stepping too and I received full cooperation from my friends. My female colleagues didn’t knew her upon asking but she had a friend whom my friends knew. So that was the strategy-Pehle heroine ko patane ke liye, uske friend ko patao. My female colleagues were instructed to go into specific lift which my heroine and her friend took and to some places were I couldn’t go(pun intended) to find more about her. Upon applying common ice breaking techniques, my friends succeeded in acquiring janam kundli of my heroine with very well orchestrated meets. All this while I didn’t meet her but concentrated only in strategysing my next move.
Now that I knew everything I wanted to know about her I decided to make a move. My lunch timings clashed with her’s,so we(read colleagues) would purposely sit in the adjacent table just to make an impression. And that worked like a charm. One fine day, I stepped into lift to find her coincidentally and given an opportunity wen I was about to start a conversation, she applied same ice breaking techniques which my friends had used earlier on her(like which floor, oh ya same floor? Which account? Oh great. I work in adjacent ODC) and thus we became friends 🙂
To be continued…..
As the whole nation, the world’s largest democracy waited with bated breath for the election results on May 16th, we got some reactions from prominent party members from all parties on the course of counting the votes. This being a country with different story unfolding in every state/region added to the complexity of the elections making it difficult to predict the winner as it was a close fight in some of the regions. So let’s hear in before wasting any further time..
Congi Spokesperson on his party’s dismal performance hinting an end to dynasty politics:
Aisa Zakhm Diya Hai Jo Naa Phir Bharega
Har Naagrikon Se, Ab Yeh Dil Darega
Hum Toh Election Haar Kar Yunhi Mar Mite The
Sun Lo Ye Voteron, Yeh Humse Ab Na Hoga
Apni Toh Jaise Taise Thodi Aise Ya Waise
Apni Toh Jaise Taise Thodi Aise Ya Waise
Kat Jaayegi, AAP Ka Kya Hoga Janabe-Ali
AAP Ka Kya Hoga??
Kejriwal introspecting on winning only 4 seats covering only Punjab and not opening it’s account elsewhere:
Hum Toh Teher Punjabi, Satta kya banaoge??
Subah Pehle Gaadi Se, Ghar Ko Laut Jaayenge…
Kejri then dedicates the same song to Congress President Ms Gandhi:
Tum Toh Teher Pardesi, Satta kya banaoge??
Subah Pehle Flight Se, Italy Ko Laut Jaaogee…
Diggi proposes his lady love expecting a positve answer,asking some serious questions at the same time on a counting day:
Hum AAP ke hai kaun??
Hum AAP ke hai kaun??
N D Tiwari(88, who recently got married) feels left out and fears of a serious competition from Diggi:
Le Jayenge Le Jayenge
Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge
Aji Rahey Jayenge Rahey Jayenge
Bachelors Dektey Rahey Jayenge
Diggi(67) hits back and dedicates a song to his lady love Amrita Rai paying no heed to election results trends:
Jawaani Jaaneman Haseen Amrita
Milein Do Dil Jawaan Nisaar Ho Gaya
Shikaar Khud Yahaan Shikaar Ho Gaya
Yeh Kya Sitam Huwa Yeh Kya Zulam Huwa
Yeh Kya Ghazab Huwa Yeh Kaise Kab Huwa
Na Jaanoon Main Na Jaane Woh, Ahaaaaaa!!!
BSP, DMK, NC could not manage a single seat which was shocking and surprising at the same time. To celebrate this momentous occasion, Maya sang this song:
Anda anda anda anda anda………
Aao sikhao tumhe ande ka funda
Yeh nahee pyare koyi mamuli banda
Iss me chhupa hai election ka fal safa
Ande me anda anda, funde me funda anda
Ande ka anda anda, funde ka funda anda
Once BJP made mission 272 success on it’s own:
Na Chahoon Sona Chaandi, Na Maangoon Amma Didi
Yeh Mere Kis Kaam Ke??
Na Maangoon BJD Bhi, Na Maangoon TDP bhi
Yeh To Hain Bas Naam Ke
Deti Hai Support De Badle Mein Support Le
Ghe ghe ghe ghe ghe, ghe Re Saahiba
Politics Mein Sauda Nahin
Most of Congress prominent leaders and sitting MP’s were thrown out of power swiped by Modi Wave. They were heard like this in a party meeting after results were announced.
Chalkaye Jaam Aayiye AapKi Haar Ke Naam, Modi ke Naam
Soniya introspecting on RaGa:
Ufff Ab Main Kya Karoon
Main Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon..
Is Rahul Ka Kya Karoon, Main Kya Karoon Main Kya Karoon..
L K Advani could not fulfill his dream of being a PM one day and was not very excited(as expected) to see Modi win. He was caught singing this song at his home:
Abhi Mujh Mein Kahin, Baaki Thodi Si Hai Zindagi,
Jagi Umeed Nayi Banna Mujhe atleast Speaker Sahi
Some of the important news update of the hour
2 people (Mr NoSe and Mr YoYo) were spotted in the theatres watching latest comedy cum tragedy cum mystery cum musical cum drama cum thriller ‘The Xpose’ starring greatest singer of our generation Mr. Himesh Reshammiya and greatest rapper Mr. Yo Yo Honey Singhaaaa….
Rakhi Sawant’s Hari Mirchi managed to grab 15 votes in her debut election. Search is on for 14 people who voted for her.
Congress has managed to win less than 50 seats which would give them all the liberty to create a WatsApp group without leaving out any MP.
Let’s spare 2 minute silence for MMS 10 years of silence.
RaGa will be conferred highest civilian award of India- Bharat Ratna,for campaigning rigorously and giving a lone interview(To Ornab Da) for bringing up a change,giving hope and bright future for this country by rooting out Congress in their worst ever defeat after independence.
H D DeveGowda and others said that if NaMo comes into power, they will leave India. Now that he has won, they are saying they were ‘misquoted’.
Meanwhile, Diggi & N D Tiwari begin to fight again, this time humming English songs. Diggi says I’m sexy and I know it and Tiwari responds saying I Just Can’t Get Enough
People of this country singing in unison once final results were out announcing NaMo as the PM with a landslide victory:
Bande Mein Hai Dum Vande Mataram!!
Bande Mein Hai Dum Vande Mataram!!
Kyunki Tum Hi Ho Ab Tum Hi Ho
Zindagi, Ab Tum Hi Ho
Bharosa Bhi, Mera Vikas bhi,
Mere PM Bhi, Ab Tum Hi Ho
All Thought it was Modi Wave/Tsunami watever you call it that made the difference in this historic election. Read on to know the real reason..
All The Modi Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh
All The Modi Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh
To Thank Rajni Kantha, THE ‘THAILAVA’(as Namo met Rajni before results)
So here’s the tribute…..
Moochhon ko thoda round Ghumaa ke
Annaa ke jaisaa chashmaa lagaa ke
Coconut Mein lassi milaa ke
Aa jao saare mood bana ke..
All The Rajni Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh
All The Rajni Fans Yeh, Don’t Miss the Chance Yeh
Lungi Dance Lungi Dance
Lungi Dance Lungi Dance
Lungi Dance Lungi Dance
PS: NOM to any person involved. Just written for fun. 😉
Rahul,Rajesh and Rohit were childhood buddies (read chaddi dosts).They knew each other since their kindergarten days and each one of their parents knew each other through them.During kindergarten, they used to discuss and do their homework on their slate,recite rhymes together, play all sort of games like chor-police, galli cricket,raja-rani-chor-sipahi(a royal game),card games like Uno, big fun cards(they used to buy big fun chewing gum only to get cricket,WWF cards free),watch cartoon together etc. etc.
As they advanced through primary education in school, their bonding became stronger. They had consecutive roll numbers too(helped each other in copying wen teacher was not around),went to tuitions together, danced together during children’s day celebration, got charmed by same gal(or rather gals :P). During board exams they secured first,second and third rank without copying (otherwise rank would be same no?as they didn’t believe in putting half hearted effort(LOL).
As they got into high school, somehow they didn’t find enough time with each other and their focus shifted to ‘other’ things. Rahul was smart, intelligent and good in sports. There was one more girl too in his class with same credentials. Rahul had a crush on her and eventually they became good friends. But he didn’t knew what the girl thought about him and always treated her as a special friend.Rajesh had a childhood love,a family friend who lived in Mumbai. During school holidays he used to always go to Mumbai to meet her pretending he is visiting his maasi’s house as his gf was maasi’s neighbor.During school days,he used to make lot of calls to his maasi(read lover).Rohit was the good dancer in the class,had great physique and idolized Hrithik Roshan. During school annual gathering,he had enthralled one and all with his dance moves and the dance with supposedly Amisha Patel(her name was Amisha coincidentally)from the class received highest applause from the crowd. Rohit liked her secretly and the girl was highly impressed by him.
6 years hence : All 3 had engineering degree as their parents had wished so when they were born 😛 Rahul got placed in Infosys Bangalore along with his girlfriend,Rajesh got offer from TCS Chennai(But he applied for mutual swap with his friend to Mumbai for obvious reasons) and Rohit was with Tata Motors in Pune along with his new girlfriend from Pune (as he ditched unfaithful Amisha).
4 years hence : All 3 of friends were not as much in touch and thought they were not spending enough time as they were somewhat stuck in maintaining their work-love life balance. But good news was that they had proposed to their respective gfs and somehow convinced even their parents to marry them. Now at this joyous moment they remembered about the bachelor party to Goa they had planned long time back.They instantly applied for sick leave in their companies and left to Goa. A planned bachelor party 8 years ago but unplanned arrangements made their journey/stay uncertain and thus more enjoyable.They got tanned in beaches,attended casino parties,enjoyed seafood, got engaged in water sport activities and had helluva good time.After their return they were pampered by their gfs and later got busy in their marriage preparations.
After one year: All 3 are getting married now and story ends here 😉
P.S : All characters presented here are purely fictional.Any instances related to any person is coincidental.
Inspiration: All my friends are getting married one after another and some with each other 😉 This blog post is dedicated to them.
Be happy… 🙂
Preface: Frankly Speaking, nation wants to know a lot of things about our PM candidates. This is just the beginning. NOM to any real people/entity with this hypothetical interview.
So elections fever is on as is evident clearly. In some states/constituencies, polling is done already and in others there is anticipation of the D-day. For campaigning, our leaders promote their party day in and day out in rallies all over India. They even promote their party in press, newspapers, news channels and elsewhere. So one fine day to promote their party to whole new heights all the prominent netas went to the ‘legen–wait for it daryyy’ Ornab Da’ s show Frankly Speaking.
Frankly Speaking, this is the entertainment no 1 show(against popular perception that it’s news debate show) which sometimes for a change caters to news(read paid news),creates huge TRPs for the channel(other prominent channel debate shows are no match) but also more importantly is responsible to give ideas (read News Item) to lot of satire artists all over the country. Since the inception of this show, satire industry is booming and satire artists can’t imagine their life without this show and Ornab Da is the sole person for whom this success should be credited. Cross questioning, investigating(rather than interviewing) and more importantly shouting are his strengths which no one in media can match.Enough said and given praises(read bezati), let’s start the show.
Guest tonight is not 1 or 2 but all the 3 PM candidates who are to rule India in the near future. So introducing all for the first time ever in one platform:
NaMo aka HOTY(frontrunner who is in red hot form),AK aka NOTY(who exposes everyone),RaGa aka POTY(u know what is POTY right??) and our beloved Ornab Da aka KOTY(read in Kannada).
KOTY: I have only 10 questions and whoever answers(read controversial answers)it well and more importantly answers it first(by pressing buzzer in KJo’s Kofee With Karan ishtyle) will be the next PM.
Q1: Who is giving his first ever TV interview now??
HOTY and NOTY presses the buzzer at the same time and answer POTY.
HOTY: I pressed buzzer first.
NOTY: I did.
KOTY: You both can answer.
HOTY: My answer is POTY. He should have been the first ever person to answer this Q. LOL
NOTY: POTY it is. ROFL
KOTY: HOTY 1, NOTY 1, POTY a big Unda.
POTY: This is cheating. I will complain to my mummy.
Q2: Which came first Chicken or Egg?
All of them press buzzer and has different theory altogether.
NOTY: Neither Chicken Nor Egg came first. Jan LokPal came first…
HOTY: In Gujarat,we don’t divide people like Congress do elsewhere and believe in giving equal opportunities.
POTY: It doesn’t matter as long as both have surnames as Gandhi both will come first in class.
KOTY: But we are not talking about any class here.
POTY: What if I ask you the same question???
KOTY: Excuse me. It is your interview(that too your first one in 10 years),not mine.
After 2nd Question, I think I have to give to everyone(as I don’t know the answer- silent LOL)
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 1.
Q3: What is escape velocity of Jupiter??
Only HOTY and POTY press buzzer this time.
HOTY: The speed at which Congress comes up with new scams that prevents law from catching up.
POTY: It’s 60 km/sec (Thinking- Thank GOD!! I remembered this now while mugging up this concept for some totally unrelated speech)
KOTY: I am blown away by your answer POTY. Well done(How does this kid know so much at this young age of 42??)
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 2.
Q4: Can anyone ever get cornered in a round room??
Only POTY buzz this time.
POTY: Yes. Only I can(when you interview me again) and Rajnikanth off course.
POTY with the lead now.
HOTY 2, NOTY 2, POTY 3.
Q5: A tough one-How can corruption be solved in this country??
All press buzzers with different answers/ideas.
NOTY: By sweeping away corruption from broom.
HOTY: By voting out Congress, half the problem will be solved, We want a Congress Mukt Bharat.
POTY: By one and only one thing-Voting for Congress!! What is corruption?? It is state of mind just like poverty is.
KOTY: Well done all of you.(State of Mind??You’re out of your mind)
HOTY 3, NOTY 3, POTY 4.
Q6: When was the last recorded time when MMS spoke?
NOTY wins it hands down by answering The day before he became PM of this country for the first time.
HOTY 3, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q7: What is Power of 49?
NOTY: Very proudly, the power of my government for ruling Delhi for 49 days.
HOTY: Power of 49 is women empowerment to make or break the government.
POTY: Power is poison and 49 is just another number (Meanwhile he mugs up this answer ‘Women Empowerment’ from HOTY)
Everyone in the studio is ROFLing and LOLing to this reply. KOTY feels left out and shouts by raising his voice. Just then Raj Thackeray breaks in to the studio to watch this much awaited show live. KOTY goes silent for the first time in the history of this show.
HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q8: What is the first thing you want to do if you become PM?
NOTY: I want to remove corruption in the country by bringing in a strong LokPal.
HOTY: I want to elect only clean candidates in my cabinet and leave out corrupted ones.
POTY: Women Empowerment(with a dumb face)
KOTY: I am not able to decide. So score still remains at HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4.
Q9: Is there a MODI wave, AAP revolution or what do I say about Rahul Baba?
POTY: This is insulting. I want to empower journalists as well along with the women. Next question please.
KOTY: HOTY 4, NOTY 4, POTY 4
Last question of the interview which is going to change the fate of this country.Everyone waits for baited breath as this is their last chance for redemption.
Q10: Why should we vote you??
NOTY: After adding CM in my CV, I want to add PM also.
POTY: I want to enjoy my life for 5 more years.
HOTY: Ha ha ha. Do we have any other option??
KOTY: I have to say this all of you have scored equally with this question. Let the public decide whom to vote and decide the fate of this country. Who am I to judge??
NOTY: Is this a publicity stunt?? And is the show funded by Mr. Ambani??
HOTY: Nation wants to know. Kaun he yeh aadmi??? Zara ghor se diye is shaks ko. Yeh hi hey yeh aadmi jo chila chila ke logon ko jeena haram karta hai. LOL
As the show director says packup..
POTY: Where is my Coffee Toffee Hamper for winning the buzzer round for first time on debut??
KOTY: I had bought only 1 which I am taking home as I was not able to decide who should have got it.
P.S: From uncut version of this show
KOTY: I want to confess that I am not able to decide whom to vote.
NOTY: After exposing everyone, I too got exposed only once in my life.
HOTY: Gujrat model will not work for India. Rather a different set of decisions/model have to be made for each state.
POTY: Mein kabhi batlata nahin, par Modi se mein daartan hun main Maa.
It’s election time !!! The biggest reality show ever of the largest democracy in the world. To impress upon the people and show(read fool) the people that we have done good work(or rather not done at all), all the politicians from major parties came forward to discuss in what could be the most important debates ever. Sounds interesting? No? Anyways lets get the show started…
Disclaimer: All characters presented here are fictitious and created in the vast expanse of the mind by unleashing imaginative power. Any resemblance to living person or dead is purely intentional and written with the only objective of having fun with the words and not to mean any offence to any person involved.
So here’s Presenting snippets from the debate…
Baitein baitein kya kare karna hai kuch kaam, shuru karo debate show, leke prabhu ka naam..
Soniyo: ABCD Padhli bahut Thandi aahein bhar li bahut, Acchi baat kar li bahut, Ab karenge tere saat Gandhi Baat Gandhi Gandhi Gandhi Baat Gandhi Baat.
Pappu(Can’t Speak Saala) : Aap ko kya lagta hai iss baar hamari party election jitegi?
Soniyo: Abki baar(Modi sarkaar) Abki baar(Modi sarkaar), toh lagta hai sirf DON jitega.
Soniyo: Wohi Gujrati DON (Darling Of the Nation)
Soniyo: Yes Pappu
Pappu: Telling lies??
Soniyo: No Pappu
Pappu: Mummy,Agar main PM nahin bana to kya karunga???
Soniyo: Beta, Mujhe toh yeh chinta hai ki agar ban gaya toh kya karega?(LOL)
Itne mein ek awaaz suniya deti hai jo kisine aaj tak suni ho …..
Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi Na Humein sune na koi
Kaisi Teri Khudgarzi teri authority se mum hai koi
Ban liya mera Paigambar
Tar liya saat samundar(Italy se) Phir bhi sookha mann ke andar
Kyun reh gaya Re??
Soniya maan ja
Oh Madamji Maan ja
Aaja tujhko pukare teri Manmohaniyaaa..
Manmohaniyaa: Soniyooooo…. O Soniyoooooo re, maan jaa..
Soniyo: Chup. Bilkul Chup. Buloo mat, hum debate kar rahe hain,public hamein dekh rahi hai.
Woh din tha aur aaj din hai jaahaan kisine Manmahoniya ko suna hai na sun payega…….
Arey Diwano,Mujhe pehchano,Gujarat se aaya,Mein hun kaun?
Mein hun kaun,mein hun kaun,Mein hun mein hun mein hun kaun
DON DON DON….
NaMo: Ek baat zara ghor se suno Soniyo, Don ko harana mushkil hi nahi naamumkin hai
Soniyo: Hum bhi kisise kam nahi hai..
NaMo: Haan Scams karne mein. Aap jeetein hum haare.
Soniyo: AAP jeetein toh tum haare. Dilli mein !! (LOL)
NaMo: Hum haare nahin aur AAP jeetein nahin. Woh toh tum logon ka mili bhagat hai.
NaMo:Pal do pal ka yeh safar, Pal do pal ka sarkaar
Humne hanskar AAP se yunhee kar li baat
Hadh kardi AAP ne Hadh kardi AAP ne
AK 49: Ab toh hadh karni padegi. Kyunki aap logon ne hadh paar kar li he.(public applauds)
NaMo: Toh AAP ka next dharna kab hai?
AK 49: Chai ke liye jaise toast hota hai, waise har ek dharna jaroori hota hai. Dharna Zaroori hai !!
NaMo: Dharna Mana hai !! Mein bhi RGV ka fan hun (smiling with tongue out)
Dhina Din Dha Dhina Din Dha Dhina Din Dha
2G, CoalG, 2G, CWG, lo G suno G
Main hun ManMohan G
Karta hun Main jo woh tum bhi karo G
1 2 ka 4 , 4 2 ka 1
My name is Manmohan My name is Manmohan
Sab logon ka PM,Mera naam hai Manmohan (Sab ka PM?? Soniyo: ROFL)
Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee
Chikee Lakee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee
Lakee Chikee Chu
Aka Chikee Lakee Chikee Chikee
Lakee Chikee Chu Mera Chekee Dimple Chikee Chikee
Lakee Chikee Chu
Mai Khwabon Ka Shehzada Mai Hu Har Dil Pe Chhaya
Ho, Zero Hai Meri IQ Mai Hu Congress ka VP
Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya Congress Dubaane Mai Hu Aaya
Kehte Hain Mujhko Rahulaaa Gandhiii
Ting Tang ,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang
Raaaraaareeeruuuu Ahaa Raaaraaareeeruuuu
NaMo: Ji haan mein hun aapka Nayak
Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang,Ting Tang,Ting Tang-Tang
Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main
Khalnayak nahinnn,Nayak hun main zulmi nahin sukhdayak hun main
Hai nafrat kya mujhko kya khabar, bas yaar pyaar ke laayak hun main.(public applauds)
AK 49: Haanny hum mar jaayenge(corruption se), hum toh lut jaayenge(corruption se)
Aisi baatein kiya na karo, humein govt form karna ka mauka toh de do
NaMo: Govt ka hai 49 din o o o o o, Baaki sab dharne ke din ooooooo
Jaaye Jaaye Jaaaye Jaaye Ek baar jab govt jaye,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye
Ho Ho,toh phir na kabhi bhi aaye(BJP fans applaud)
AK 49: Mera WagonR hai Japani, Yeh patloon English staani
Sar pe AAP ki topi , Aur Dil hai Hindustani(NaMo: LOL)
NaMo: Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar
Iski topi uske sar,Uski topi iske sar
Aise hi chalta hai,Sari duniya ka chakkar
As we conclude the debate,let’s hear in last thoughts from our PM candidates..
Pappu: I want to open up the system, bring in RTI, do women empowerment and give these 3 fundas to anything you ask. Vote For Me !! (Soniyo:LOL)
AK 49: AAP ki sarkaar, AAP ka PM
NaMo: Tera dhiyaan kidhar he, yeh tera PM idhar he
P.S: Vote wisely. Vote For India !! And yeah vote/rate this blogpost too…
Keep Smiling 🙂
Adarsh and Avinash passed out from engineering college in 2013. They were good friends right from school.Both had received a offer from TCS in Hinjewadi,Pune.So they traveled from Belgaum to Pune two days in advance to hunt for a room in Pune.They were looking out for a room in Aundh and after seeing over 5 flats and being unsatisfied and exhausted, they decided to end the day in seeing last flat of the day and later hit the pub to relax. Fortunately when they saw the 6th flat, they instantly liked it.This 2bhk flat was neat,elegant,spacious,well furnished and more importantly at a reasonable rate.They could not believe their luck and thought how come this flat was vacant even for few days that too at a prime location in Aundh.May be they just got lucky.They instantly booked the room and the room broker promised them to arrange a meeting with the owner the next day. They met the owner and got to know about intricacies like maintenance costs,water supply,gas connection, maid availability etc. One of the rooms out of the two was locked and upon asking the owner they were instructed not to open it and owner told them they will be charged less and since they were only 2 they could use the other spacious master bedroom. They received an offer they could not refuse as the final rent was very much under their expectations. They paid the advance to the owner and cleared the bill of the broker. The owner was leaving for some urgent work and reminded the tenants not to open/use the other room.
After 2 days, Avinash’s parents were in Pune for a family function to be held few days later.So he went to meet them after work and stayed with them in hotel.Next day he received an unexpected call from one of his friend that he will be in Pune next day as he had some work in Mumbai. He also said that he will be bit late as he is expected to be occupied till 8pm in Mumbai. At 9pm, Avinash reached room and informed Adarsh about his friend’s visit. He also told Adarsh that they will use the other room as it will be difficult for them to adjust in one room. Adarsh refused as it was against owner’s wish but since it was just matter of one day as his friend was expected to leave next morning, he agreed. Meanwhile Avinash appreciated Adarsh’s cooking skills as he tasted Palak Paneer for a test trial.
As the aroma of paneer filled the room, Avinash unlocked the room.When he opened the door,he could sense some creepiness and had a feeling of some paranormal activity.Upon switching on the light, one of the blood ridden walls read Tumhein Marna Hoga and blood was scattered on the walls around him. He could also see some broken toys scattered on the floor.Avinash braver among the two was terrified and scared to death. He thought he made a big mistake by unlocking this room, was uncertain about his future and latched the door instantly with his trembling hand.Meanwhile Adarsh shouted as a fire lit up in kitchen from nowhere and blew it off immediately. Adarsh asked Avinash what made him to shout and Avinash explained him in detail. Now Adarsh is mum and it scared the shit out of him.The latched door opened automatically and they held it without entering and locked it back. Both could not believe their fate and moved out of the room terrorized.They decided to call the owner and then chose against it as he had traveled to US to see his daughter. They behaved as though nothing had happened and asked the watchman purposefully about the water supply and other challenges/complaints from the room as he avoided more question by saying it’s good. Then when he is asked about the previous tenants, he said that they were very good and well-behaved and left as they got transferred. He also hinted that he remembered them saying they heard some strange voices from the locked room.This explanation is enough for Avinash and Adarsh to conclude that their room was haunted. They behaved normally and decided to have a walk until their friend arrives. Since it was too late and they didn’t knew much of Pune they decided to pass the night in their room.
At last Avinash’s friend arrived. They walked him to the room and passed the night without any incident. Avinash’s friend had a deep sleep while Adarsh and Avinash did not sleep even for a minute and looked disturbed.The next day Avinash was supposed to attend the family function. Adarsh insisted him to attend the function as his parents were also there. Avinash left for the function hesitantly and as he stepped out of the rickshaw at the function site, he saw all his family members out of the building and shouting at a terrace room looking worried. Avinash is told his brother is trapped inside a locked room.Avinash quickly moves to the room against his parent’s wish. The housekeeping attending that room is lying on the floor after being hit by something.Avinash bangs the door and somehow manages to break in inside. He finds his brother injured and lying on the floor suffocated for some reason. As he prepares to carry him and take him to bed he finds someone standing behind him.Upon turning,he finds the devil like figure saying Tumhein Marna Hoga.